Most resources about autism focus on the child with the diagnosis. But siblings are living this experience too. They’re the ones sharing a home, navigating meltdowns, and learning to understand why their brother or sister needs more support. And they have their own feelings about it—feelings that deserve attention.
Your child with autism needs specialized support and therapy. Their siblings need attention, reassurance, and space to process their own feelings. And you’re trying to meet everyone’s needs while keeping the household running.
It’s a lot. And if you’re feeling stretched thin or worried about how your other children are handling things, you’re not alone. Many parents wonder: Is my neurotypical child getting enough of me? How do I explain autism in a way they’ll understand? What do I do when there’s aggression or jealousy between siblings?
This guide will help you understand how autism shapes sibling relationships, recognize when your other children might be struggling, and give you practical ways to support every child in your family.
How Autism Affects Sibling Relationships
Sibling relationships are complicated even in families where no one has a diagnosis. Add autism into the mix, and those dynamics can become more intense. Not worse—just different. And understanding what’s happening can help you respond in ways that bring your children closer rather than creating distance.
Siblings of children with autism often experience a unique blend of emotions. They might feel protective one moment and resentful the next. They love their brother or sister, but they also notice that therapy appointments, meltdowns, and sensory needs take up a lot of family time and energy. Sometimes they feel guilty for being frustrated. Other times they feel invisible.
These feelings don’t mean your child is selfish or that you’re doing anything wrong. They mean your child is human and trying to make sense of a family structure that requires more flexibility and patience than most.
When a New Sibling Arrives
Bringing a new baby into any family requires adjustment. When one child has autism, that adjustment can be more complex.
Your child with autism might struggle with the change in routine, the new sounds and smells, or the sudden shift in your availability. They might show regression in skills they’d been working on, or display more challenging behaviors as they try to communicate their discomfort.
Your neurotypical child, meanwhile, might feel caught in the middle. They’re excited about the baby, but they’re also watching you manage meltdowns, therapy schedules, and their sibling’s needs. They might wonder where they fit, or whether they’re expected to help in ways that feel overwhelming.
The key here is preparation and communication. Talk to both children about what’s coming. Let your child with autism practice with a doll or visit friends with babies. Give your neurotypical child language to express their feelings, and make sure they know their job is to be a kid—not a co-parent.
Sibling Aggression and Challenging Behaviors
Aggression between siblings is one of the most stressful dynamics parents face. Maybe your child with autism hits, pushes, or grabs their sibling during moments of dysregulation. Or maybe your neurotypical child lashes out because they’re angry about disrupted plans or feeling overlooked.
First, it’s important to recognize that aggression usually isn’t about hatred or malice. For a child with autism, it might be a communication breakdown—they’re frustrated and don’t have another way to express it. For a neurotypical sibling, it might be an outlet for feelings they don’t know how to name.
That doesn’t make the behavior acceptable. But it does give you a starting point. If your child with autism is aggressive toward their sibling, work with your therapy team to identify triggers and teach alternative communication strategies. If your child is acting out, create space for them to talk about what they’re feeling without judgment.
This kind of behavior support often relies on reinforcing the behaviors you want to strengthen, helping your child learn safer and more effective ways to communicate frustration.
And in the moment? Prioritize safety. Separate the children if needed, stay calm, and address the behavior once everyone has regulated.
Recognizing and Responding to Sibling Stress
Siblings of children with autism often carry stress that parents don’t immediately see. They might not complain because they don’t want to add to your plate. Or they might express their stress in ways that don’t look like stress—acting out at school, withdrawing, or becoming overly compliant at home.
Here are some signs your neurotypical child might be struggling:
- They’re suddenly anxious about small changes or disruptions
- They’re hesitant to invite friends over or talk about their sibling
- They’re taking on caregiving responsibilities without being asked
- They’re regressing in behaviors (bedwetting, clinginess, tantrums)
- They’re perfectionistic or overly worried about “being good”
If you’re noticing any of these patterns, it’s worth checking in.
Many of these challenges improve when children learn clearer ways to express their needs, which is why building functional communication skills is so important for sibling relationships.
Creating Safe Space for Sibling Feelings
Your neurotypical child needs permission to feel complicated things about their sibling. They need to know they can love their brother or sister and still feel frustrated, embarrassed, or tired. Those feelings don’t make them a bad person.
Set aside regular one-on-one time with your neurotypical child—even if it’s just 15 minutes before bed. Ask open-ended questions: “How are things going with you and your sibling?” or “What’s been hard this week?” Listen without immediately problem-solving or defending your child with autism.
Let them know that all their feelings are valid, even the uncomfortable ones. And if they’re struggling with guilt or confusion, reassure them that autism isn’t something anyone caused or could have prevented—and that loving their sibling doesn’t mean never feeling frustrated or overwhelmed.
Balancing Family Attention and Roles
One of the hardest parts of parenting multiple children, especially when one has significant needs, is making sure everyone feels seen. Your neurotypical child might understand intellectually that their sibling needs more support. But emotionally, they still need to feel like they matter just as much.
Look for small ways to show up for your neurotypical child. Attend their school events. Celebrate their milestones. Ask about their interests and remember the details they share. These moments don’t have to be elaborate; they just need to be consistent.
And be careful about assigning your neurotypical child responsibilities that aren’t age-appropriate. It’s one thing to ask them to grab a snack for their sibling. It’s another to expect them to manage meltdowns, skip activities because of therapy schedules, or take care of their sibling when you’re busy. They’re still a kid. Let them be one.
Using ABA Strategies to Support Sibling Dynamics
ABA therapy isn’t just for children with autism. Many of the principles, like clear communication, positive reinforcement, and structured routines, can help strengthen relationships between siblings.
For example, therapists can work with both children during sessions to practice turn-taking, sharing, or playing together in ways that reduce conflict. They can teach your child with autism how to ask their sibling for space instead of pushing them away. And they can help your neurotypical child understand their sibling’s communication style and respond in ways that build connection.
At United Care ABA, we recognize that supporting your child with autism means supporting your entire family. Our BCBAs can incorporate sibling-aware strategies into treatment plans, offer guidance on managing sibling conflict, and help you create routines that work for everyone—not just one child.
If this sounds familiar and you’d like some guidance on supporting sibling relationships in your home, request a consultation. We’re here to help you figure out what works for your family.
ABA often teaches these kinds of coping and interaction skills by breaking them into small, manageable steps, which reflects how ABA teaches skills step by step.
Practical Tools for Parents and Siblings
You don’t need a degree in behavior analysis to support sibling relationships at home. Here are a few strategies that many families find helpful:
Create shared rituals. Find small activities both children can do together—a weekly movie night, baking cookies on Saturdays, or a bedtime story routine. Shared positive experiences build connection and give siblings something to look forward to together.
Set up joint play routines. Designate time each week where both children play together with your guidance. This might be building with blocks, playing a board game, or doing an art project. The key is structure: you’re there to facilitate, the activity has a clear beginning and end, and both children get to participate in ways that feel good to them.
Include everyone in family planning. When you’re deciding on weekend activities or planning a vacation, ask both children for input. This shows your neurotypical child that their preferences matter just as much, and it teaches your child with autism that their sibling’s voice counts too.
Encourage sibling-led activities. When your neurotypical child wants to teach their sibling a skill they’ve mastered, that can be a powerful bonding experience for both of them. Whether it’s tying shoes, drawing shapes, or playing a card game, your child with autism gets to learn from someone they look up to, and your neurotypical child gets to feel capable and helpful. Just make sure these moments happen naturally and stay fun. If either child seems frustrated or disengaged, it’s okay to step in or suggest taking a break.
Use concrete language. Young children especially benefit from simple explanations of autism. “Your brother’s brain works differently, so loud noises feel really uncomfortable to him” is clearer than abstract statements about developmental delays.
For more guidance on supporting your entire family, explore our ABA parent resources.
Why Families Choose United Care ABA for Inclusive Family Care
When you’re looking for ABA therapy, you want a provider who sees your family as a whole, not just the child receiving treatment.
At United Care ABA, our licensed BCBAs take the time to understand your family’s unique dynamics. We don’t just ask about your child with autism. We ask about siblings, routines, stressors, and what’s working (or not working) at home. Then we design treatment plans that account for those realities.
We offer therapy in your home, at our center, and out in the community—wherever makes the most sense for your family. And we accept most major insurance plans and Medicaid, which means support is more accessible than you might think.
Learn more about United Care ABA and how we approach family-centered care.
Next Steps for Your Family
Every child in your family deserves to feel loved, seen, and supported. That includes your child with autism. And it includes their siblings.
If you’re worried about sibling relationships or feeling overwhelmed trying to meet everyone’s needs, you don’t have to navigate this alone. ABA therapy can help, and so can connecting with a team that understands what you’re going through.
Contact United Care ABA to explore how we can support your sibling relationships and your family’s growth together.
FAQs About Autism and Sibling Relationships
How can I support my child if their sibling has autism?
Start by creating space for them to express their feelings without judgment. Make sure they get regular one-on-one time with you, even if it’s brief. Help them understand autism in age-appropriate language, and connect them with other siblings who share similar experiences. Most importantly, let them be a kid—not a co-parent or therapist.
What if my child with autism is aggressive toward their sibling?
Aggression is often a sign of communication breakdown or sensory overload. Work with your child’s therapy team to identify what triggers the behavior and teach alternative ways to express frustration. In the moment, prioritize safety by separating the children and staying calm. Consistent intervention and skill-building can reduce aggression over time.
How can we prepare siblings for future roles or caregiving?
This depends on your family’s values and circumstances. Some siblings grow up to play active caregiving roles. Others maintain close relationships without taking on formal responsibilities. The most important thing is to give your neurotypical child choices and not assume they’ll become a caregiver. Have open conversations as they get older about what they’re comfortable with, and make legal and financial plans that don’t place undue burden on siblings.
Should siblings be involved in ABA sessions?
Sometimes, yes. Involving siblings in occasional sessions can help them understand what their brother or sister is working on and give them tools to interact more successfully. It can also strengthen their bond. Talk to your BCBA about whether sibling involvement makes sense for your family and how to structure it in a way that feels positive for everyone.
How can insurance or therapy providers support sibling dynamics?
Most insurance plans that cover ABA therapy focus on the child with the autism diagnosis. However, many providers, including United Care ABA, incorporate family training and sibling support into treatment plans. This might include parent coaching on managing sibling conflict, strategies for including siblings in therapy, or resources for sibling support groups. Ask your provider what family-inclusive services they offer.
